I decided I was going to do everything.  I was running head on into a life that previously only existed in the foggy, youthful, suppressed, and concealed part of the back of brain knowledge/feeling center.  Life had always come to me, and I welcomed it like a warm apple pie; life had always taken my hand, and I followed it like a pretty little lady.  But I leaped and plunged and fell into life.  She was the great ocean, and I was the inevitable river, ready to open and release into her great embrace.  But maybe actually she was the river and I was the pouring rain, filling life with me, overflowing life with me and disrupting all of the bridges and nearby roads because no one expected this flood of me.  I was going to do it all, fly to the moon and then to Alpha Centari and then to Hollywood and the North Pole; swim at the bottom of the ocean and breathe at the top of the atmosphere.  I need to find Cooke and Toby, Browne and Pete, people who feel and want and desire and love things; people who change things and change the world, people who ran so fast that they hit life dead on and ran clear through her.  Until now, I couldn't understand what these people did with their lives, why they seemed to care about nothing.  But the thing is, they cared about everything, everything alive and energetic and glowing hot with compassion and understanding and all the real feelings.  All of the feelings that make people live life.  Live life.  Live life.  Live life.  No.  Don't live life, run through it!  Don't take life by the hand and live it, it's not a child.  Make life crumble and fall apart and put itself back together again in a new configuration and see if it can stop you the next time you charge at it.  This is what I say.  This is how I'm running.  I'm running everywhere at every time in every possible direction.  But I'm not going anywhere.  I'm just going.